Conversion Aversion
Picture yourself in the future, in the delivery room with your first-born child. Imagine the intense amount of love you have for your child - all the dreams, aspirations, and all the great times you look forward to having with your child. Think about the drive home from the hospital, after the child has been allowed to leave the hospital to join the family. You can feel the love for your new family member literally beating out of your chest, a strong smile on your face that seems like it’ll never leave.
Quickly you swerve, speed as fast as you can, taking a detour and driving to a nearby cliff. You promptly stop the car, get out with your newborn, and drop the baby over the edge, watching as your child plummets to its inevitable death.
About 2 years ago, a woman converted to Islam, and I came to know of her through people that I knew. While I didn’t really know her, there was a trickle of updates every month on her progress and growth as a Muslimah. Despite her getting up in cultural vices, such as hookah, she showed so much promise by using the guidance that Allah granted her to better herself. After a long struggle, she had gathered up the courage to put on hijab and to start dressing modestly. Not being surrounded in her immediate area by many practicing Muslims who could relate to her, she found it hard to uphold against the pressures of Shaytaan and others who were influencing her, telling her to go back to her old ways of ignorance. Unfortunately, as many of us do, she fell victim to Shaytaan’s attacks, removed her hijab and any modesty she had gained, and had started a relationship with a man she had recently met.
Months passed, and the updates began to dwindle. Slowly but surely, she was losing her will to practice, and the news about her progress turned dissolved. Then, after half a year of no news, one person that I know decided to contact the sister to see how she was doing. While talking with the convert sister, it seemed obvious that something was odd about her answers and the way which she talked. After being asked if everything was ok, the convert sister broke down and admitted that she was 5 months pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. The relationship between the two, boyfriend and emotionally-torn convert sister, is in shambles and heading towards an ugly, court-case involved ending.
About 8 months ago, a non-Muslim high schooler started attending his Muslim friend’s halaqah at the local masjid. Shortly after being exposed to the deen, he accepted Islam, revealing that he had been contemplating about God for quite a while. He continued to attend the halaqah and have a good time with the other brothers, until extracurricular school activities began to take the open time slot he had on weekend afternoons. Slowly but surely, the brothers lost the majority of contact with him. The close friend that he had first been introduced to Islam by had noticed that the convert brother had recently started dating a girl from their class. They grew a bit distant, although the convert maintained that he was still Muslim and still had Iman in Allah and Muhammad [saw].
This evening I received news that a group of brothers are going to visit him tomorrow in
his recovery from his suicide attempt a few days ago.
My beloved and respected brothers and sisters, there is a debilitating disease in our community. It is bigger than little kids eagerly trying to pray in the front row. And it’s bigger than declaring using tasbih (prayer beads) a bid’ah. And it’s bigger than who’s going to win the next election in a Muslim country (take you pick, they’re all the same).
While someone converting to Islam is something that all Muslims love to see, it seems that after all the hugs and congratulations, a disturbingly large amount of people could care less about what happens once the newly-converted brother or sister walks out of the masjid doors. There is an overwhelming problem in our community of convert negligence. We are tossing these “newborn” Muslims over the cliff, not even wincing when we see them hit the ground, hundreds of feet below.
The situations I’ve described are real and very close to home. It is already difficult enough for a convert brother or sister to accept a completely new way of life, to adapt to that new way of life, and to try to find a spouse in this culturally dominant ummah. The last thing that should be made hard on them is to have a Muslim brother or sister to talk to and to become friends with - someone to lean on in times of need. We need to be that person to lean on, that person to kindly remind them that having sex with a guy who’s not your husband will only hurt you or that killing yourself is not the answer to your problems. We need to be there as a guiding light for these people, someone to hold their hand and fend off Shaytaan as they venture out of darkness, into light.
The message of this post is simple: if you know a convert brother or sister, call them. Ask them how they’re doing, and if they need anything. Keep in contact with them. We need to keep up with them, just how we would like someone to keep up with us if and when we need it. We’re not doing them a favor, we’re fulfilling their rights.
I ask Allah to help us increase the brotherhood and sisterhood amongst all the Muslims, new and old, brothers and sisters, young and old, dark and light, strong and weak - and to make us among those who enter Paradise.
Make du’aa for our new brothers and sisters. They’re facing a lot of hardships that we can’t really imagine.
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11 Responses to “Conversion Aversion”
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people need to read this.
Good post.
verrry nice post bro..
AMEEN ya ra’ab
Jazakumullah khayr,
excellent post. May Allah Guide Us and All of the Muslims
I was waiting for the metaphor to kick in at the end and it did, in 1000 words, at that! Jazaks Mr. English Major.
Its a very good post. It just shows how young or old, everyone needs a reminder, especially the youth.
good post again
“He whom Allah guides, is rightly guided; but he whom He sends astray, for him you will find no Wali (guiding friend) to lead him (to the right Path).” (18:17)
May Allah (swt) keep us all on His guidance and firmly establish our hearts in His Deen. Ameen.
ameen
Most masjids are good about putting together a “New Shahadah” packet…but that’s where it ends. Or some go a little further and have classes for New Muslims on the basics of Islam.
But as a convert I can tell you that all of us can read on our own the basics of Islam and grasp what we need to with the abundance of English literature out there. Where we really need help is like this article states…With the support. And we need people that are not going to be judgemental. That is the number one problem you find with born Muslims trying to advise converts. They have never been in their shoes and find it hard to empathize and be non-judgemental.
My best advise is to be there, be there even when they fall…never be ok with something that isn’t right,but also don’t make a person feel so isolated that they can’t come to you because they think that you look down on them. We all make mistakes, some are more apparent than others…like if someone stops wearing a hijab. But we all make mistakes and that is what we have to keep in mind. Many of us struggle with being dissappointed in someone and still helping them get on their feet again. The best way is to always be reminding them that Allah is there for them when they have no one else, that nothing is to big to forgive. And their faith,even more than their practice, is the most important thing to hold on to. In time Insh’Allah maybe they will get past the difficulties and find a way to practice more.
I have had two friends that went thru this and in the end they told me that it was my friendship that got them thru and made them not abandon their faith alltogether.
[…] with them and reading blogs of Umar and other converts, it’s pretty clear that they are being neglected and need special attention beyond what our community gives […]
asalaamu alaykum wa rahmatUllahi wa barakatuh… AbdelRahmen,
I know that this is post is fairly old by now, I am slow at getting around to things. I really appreciate your attempt to open the eyes of our community. I have concluded, that the sad reality is that it is a near impossiblity. Allah (swt)will not change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves. Unfortunately, the duty does fall on the shoulders of our community, but the community is not fit to handle this job. As other people have posted, sheikhs, imams, people of the masjid, they all attempt to reach out ot us. The reality is, most of them have no idea where we come from or what we need. Regardless of the amount of education we as reverts provide, very few people will truly understand our needs without actually stepping in our shoes. Myself and a group of young active muslims have established a social support group for reverts to Islam. Our first event is scheduled on April 20th 2008 somewhere in the downtown vicinity. We are meeting as a collective of young brothers and sister who have reverted to Islam to establish bonds and acceptance that we do not feel from our muslim community, to provide a smiling face for people who have recently accepted Islam, to discuss issues that only we face, and to just have a good time. We have reached out to a large number of reverts so far, but by the grace of Allah (swt), we can reach more. I know you are a big networker, much like myself, so please pass my email addy on to anyone that you know that may benefit from this. We plan to have events once per month. May Allah (swt) shine his noor and grant us success in this endeavor.
sidenote: I have found it quite typical for people who view themselves as “mu’mins” to look at us reverts in a critical light. Never judge a book by its cover, It is Allah (swt) who is Al-Hakam and we are merely his slaves. It is most important for us to support our brothers and sisters in Islam and do so without an ounce of arrogance or a false sense of superiority. You are an amazing brother, inshaAllah you nad your family will berewarded here and in the afterlife. Allahu Alim
michaelswies@gmail.com