Did You See Him Talking To Her?
You’re walking from first period to your second class and you see one of the “religious” brothers in your school, Ahmed, giving a phone number to Ashley, the varsity cheerleading captain and that year’s homecoming queen.
Suspecting people, especially our own Muslim brothers and sisters, is a slippery slope that can lead to broken friendships or even torn families. One of the absolute hardest things I find myself falling into is not giving my brothers and sisters in Islam their due right of حسن الظن (pronounced “husn ath-thann”), or what is commonly known as “benefit of the doubt.” Whenever we may see any of a number of different scenarios, our minds may jump to the most negative explanation or conclusion about the people involved.
Why is that? Is there a reason why we may take pleasure in picking out people’s faults or thinking negatively about them?
The nature of our being and our soul is compassion for one another, to think the best of each other. Living in an age of racism, stereotypes, materialism, and hyped-up pop-culture trains our mind to attach negative thoughts towards others when we may encounter them in questionable situations.
Allah, The All-Wise, said in the Qur’an, “Oh you who believe, avoid (indulging in) suspicion - verily some suspicion is sinful,” 49:12.
Right after I got married last month, my wife and I went to do some shopping for gifts for her siblings and cousins. Walking through the mall, from store to store, hands locked as many newlyweds may (or may not) do, we bumped into the mother of one of my wife’s Sunday school students. Her eyes noticed our hands, then to my wife, quickly to my face and then back to my wife. “Is this your brother?” she asked, with the most innocent smile. Are you kidding?
Masha Allah, if that’s not benefit of the doubt, then I don’t know what is.
I’m whiter than rice, my wife possesses the typical dark skin-tone of a person from Bangladesh. I’m over six feet tall and my wife is a good foot shorter than I am. We look nothing alike, and you’re asking if I’m her brother? It wasn’t the question that shocked me, it was the fact that she genuinely did not suspect us of any foul-play, no shooting glance or sarcasm in her tone of voice. Just a sincere question, straight from her heart.
“He’s my husband,” my wife responded lightly. The mandatory “mabrook” was delivered, and then she took her son and walked away towards the toy store. I continued to the next shop, sort of in an impressed daze of the sincerity and genuine character of the sister I had just met.
That experience showed me what true حسن الظن is. It’s replacing your first conclusion’s negativity with the best possible explanation you can come up with to preserve the person’s character. It’s giving your brother or sister the benefit of the doubt. It’s thinking of others how you’d like them to think of you.
That’s حسن الظن.
So the next time any of us encounter our brother or sister in Islam in what looks like a questionable situation, ask yourself: is this really questionable, or am I making it questionable in my mind?
Ashley was interested in Islam, and seeing the brother with the beard and Islamic clothing walking through the hallways each day, and knowing full well he is Muslim, decided he’d be the best person to ask.
This post was inspired.
BarakAllah feekum.
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12 Responses to “Did You See Him Talking To Her?”
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That lady was awesome mashaAllah.
jazaks very much akhi.
Turns out she seriously thought you were brother and sister.
Holding hands.
At the mall.
Another sentence.
To add emphasis.
SaqibSaab - im cracking up.
A.R. - nice post. jazakistan
Jazak Allah khair for writing this. Even though it might seem such a small thing to talk about sometimes, it is extremely important. As stated in the ayah, it leads to greater sins. It is so sad that it’s become second nature to some of us nowadays due to the society we live in. Thanks for bringing it up
I hope Ashley and Ahmed get married. They seem like they would make a cute couple.
Jazakallah for the post.
Brother, please refrain from writing post or we will have to kick you off manhaj.
Thanks much,
Team Discovery Channel
as-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatUllahi wa barakatuh,
Mabrook by the way. I think this was a good point for you to bring to the surface. We should never suspect things from our brothers and sisters it results in discord and hard feelings. I can honestly tell you that I to this day have negative feelings towards people in our community for various suspicions and even moreso, the public discussion of those suspicions towards me. The best thing to do is think the best of all your brothers and sisters in Islam.
Alaysallahu bi ahkamil hakimeen?
Is not Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala the most just of all judges?
Then why do we try to take ont he judgements of what lies deep inside the hearts of people? No one can read anyones minds, no ont knows all that occurs in ones day, no one but Allah. Therefore any judgements we make of someone will only lead us to false conclusions. That is how shaytan will break down even the most pious amongst us.
I hope we can all submit our hearts, minds, and bodies to Allah subhanu wa ta’ala with the upmost sincerity and strongest convictions.
holla.. I thought i had to ramble a little on this one.
great post ‘TEAM Mehreen and Abdul-Rahman’
awesome advice,
jazakallakhair
[…] From: WorkingForOne […]
Asalamo Alaykom, that was great, jazakallah khair for bringing it up, it seems small but an important topic. It made me realise how much of a second nature thing it has become in our societies unfortunely…
a good point.
some peole have a good nature so they always approach people by the positive side in every circumstances
when comes to others who prefer
prefer to jump into conclusions
Do they feel better discovering others mistakes…?
We should struggle with ourselves whenever the bad suspicions come to our minde. And even if we suspect, as long Allah hides or cover someone he is under His protection. We shall never juge.